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Flag of Tartaria

Tartaria.Picnic is spoiler of utopia Tartaria. Part of it is used in the First chapter Tartaria01.


Picnic had been announced since the beginning of the semester, and the day came. Some driving, some walking, some food, some wine, some dances.. Students and professors and technicians installed a big flag at the edge of a lake, and made a big fire; they swam in the lake and jumped through the flame. These jumps were accompanied by music and song. In particular, students and professors sing various historic songs.

Les miserables

By wish and desires of people
By general progress trend,
We rifle well our rifles
And glorious be our friend!

For multitude of opinions,
We fill our world with light;
To break the slavish convenience
For this freedom we fight!

We need to win the battle
This is our primary job!
We push our tyrant form his castle,
For this goal does rise the mob!

We'll stop the tyrant's hysteria;
For freedom to say a word,
We'll break the stupid emperia
For this goal we rise our sword!

If we die for the freedom of nation,
In our job at this greatest moment,
We'll die with the freedom's sensation,
And this song will be our monument!

By wish and desires of people
By general progress trend,
We rifle well our rifles
And glorious be our friend!

Ruvim tried to remember, where could he listen this song. At least, the melody seemed to him to be very old... May be from the Soviet and German songs of times of World War II.. May be even older.. He realized, that it is just update of the famous French "La Marseillaise", when students begun to sing the same in Russian:

Навстречу желанью народов
Чтоб двигать прогресс вперёд,
Наполним бокалы свободой,
В наш героический год!

Изменим мы жизнь поколений,
И каждый нас сможет понять,
Что право на множество мнений
Вовек у нас не отнять!

Осветим мы сумерки ясно,
И даже полярная ночь
Позволит нам сделать прекрасно,
Мы темень прогоним прочь!

Чтоб жертва была не напрасной,
Чтоб мир о нас смог узнать.
На этой войне ужасной
Прийдется нам побеждать,

И в стужу и в зной и в слякоть
Мы правды слова несём;
Сейчас нам не время плакать,
Свободу внесём в каждый дом!

Заполните сердце свободой,
Чтоб вами гордилась мать;
Вперед, и в любую погоду
Прийдется нам побеждать!

И даже если погибнем,
Напрасно мы не умрем,
И этим победным гимном
В историю мы войдём!

Навстречу желанью народов
Чтоб двигать прогресс вперёд,
Наполним бокалы свободой,
В наш героический год!

If tomorrow corrupt

9a9ce----3.jpg \(~ ~ ~\)If tomorrow corrupt

Protest.jpeg "And will rise the protest"

PupkinGuns.jpg Take from closets their rifles

BEAR-cavalry fin small.jpg..as a whiskery bear [1]

Svetlana9.130b.jpgSvetlana4.101a.jpg Puritanas and sexiest putas

Another hymn also seemed to be just update of a more recent song, say, only 2 centuries old:

If tomorrow corrupt,
If the prudence disrupt,
If electional fraud commenced
The Tartarian crowd
Send the files to the court
And the frauders will be sentenced.

Teachers and the students,
Will detect the moments
Of commitment electional fraud;
They describe the context,
And will rise the protest
And the voice of protesters be loud.

If tomorrow corrupt,
If the prudence disrupt,
If a fraud in administrations, -
All Tartarian people
Take from closets their rifles,
And defend prudence for our nations.

Yellows, blacks, whites and reds,
With long hair and skinheads,
Not allow criminal revolution;
Winter's cold, summers warm,
We'll stay for every farm;
To defend our Great Constitution!

If tomorrow terror,
If tomorrow be war,
If barbarians here appear, -
All Tartiarian people
Take in hands their rifles,
And we'll fight as a whiskery bear.

Islamists, Communists,
Christians and Buddhists,
Will forget for a while their disputes;
Farmers and the rentiers,
Doctors and engineers,
Puritanes and sexiest putas, -

All together will fight
To defend our right
To have different our religions,
We'll be all, hand to hand,
To defend our land,
Keep our virtues in any collisions.

Ruvim Pechor disliked the hymn. He tried to understand, why he dislikes it.

As other Tartarian songs, the hymn seemed to be just a variation of historic art of centuries 19, 20 and 21st. Apparently, the Russian song from the Soviet propagandist movie Если завтра война is used (1938). However, the official language of Tartaria is declared to be Basic English; so, it is translated.

Then Ruvim realized, that the Soviet original of this song had been used as a pretext for horrible massacre and mass terror, extermination of a half of population of a big country. However, the Tartarians do not know the history of the song, they consider it just as a hymn of the basic civilization achievements: publicity, democracy, right of citizen go have any weapon, cooperation of various races and religions.

In the common Tartarian paradigm, there exist only 4 basic human races: black, red, yellow and white. These colours are used in flag of Tartaria as symbol of cooperation. All other races are considered as mixtures of the four. The war of year 1918-1920 is interpreted as war between white race and red race and extermination of the white race (Красная армия всех сильней, "С белыми покончим - коммунизм построим", etc..).

Ruvim did not try to suggest any other, more complicated concept about human races, racism and history of Tartaria.

ZaRusskiNarod.jpg За кровавую Родину

While Ruvim tried to pick up from his memory his pretty modest knowledges about history, the students discussed the hymn. One of students indicates, that this hymn is translation from the old song:
Если завтра война,
Если груда говна
В виде сталинской воли нагрянет -
Весь советский народ
Как один идиот
За кровавую Родину встанет..

Another student suggests a little bit different version of the old song:
Если завтра война,
Если завтра в поход,
Если черная сила нагрянет -
Весь советский народ
Как один человек
За советскую Родину встанет..

The last version causes strong critics. The main objections are in Russian:

  1. Это пропагандистская переделка. И весьма грубая.
  2. В переделке повторяется слово "советский". Это тавтология, и так понятно, какая Родина у совков.
  3. Не в склад, не в лад: тупые советские пропагандисты не смогли подобрать складную замену эпитету, которым поэты характеризовали СССР.
  4. Тогда была специальная бригада троллей-порпагандистов, они занимались такими переделками. Их институт до самого Бигпуфа так и назывался, Переделкино.

However, the students agreed, that the hymn If tomorrow corrupt is much better, than its Russian prototype: "Из говна сделали конфетку".


Some songs were in Russian:

Мы пошли на дело -
Выпить захотелось;
Мы зашли в шикарный рестoран;
Там сидел Гундяев
С бандой вертухаев
Из-под рясы у него торчал наган.

Мы решили смыться
Чтоб не завалиться,
Но за это Гуньке отомстить
Гунька наш сучёнок,
Гунька поросёнок,
Без тебя нам будет легче жить.

Мой напарник вмазал,
Вмазал и промазал.
И попал немножечко в меня..
Я больнице с раной,
Сволочь мой напарник,
Трёт блядей с Гундяем без меня..

Chornye nochi

Some songs were on strange language, that, finally, happened to be also Russian, although horrible and difficult to understand:

Vzvejtes kostrami
Chornie nochi;
Dajte salami,
Detiam rabochih;
Budu neistov,
I ya ne zassu,
Pustim gebistov
Mi na kolbasu!

The youngest students were discussing the meaning of the song, one student from the higher grade, Zina Vertuhaev, began to explain. She started almost from Adam and Eve; so, her explanations turned out to be a popular lecture about history of the country. However, Ruvim Pechor also listened Zina.

First, at the territory of Tartaria, there was big slavery empery. It had been called "Advice Union" and also "Slavic Camp", or Scamp. Citizen of the Scamp were poor, and they could not flee from the country. All the Scamp had been surrounded by the special Iron Curtain, made of very strong steel. The special guards, vertuhais, used to kill any slave, who tried to escape from the Slavic Camp to other countries. One of these vertuhais was my grandpa. The genetic expertise confirms this, my mom had investigated the case.. Grandpa was killed at Bigpuf..
The Adivce Union was covered with concentration camps; in these camps, the conditions were even heavier, than in the rest of the Scamp. Fuhrer had been called gensek, then president. Fuhrer had unlimited power.
Fuhrers used to fight neighbor countries, in order to get more slaves for the heavy work at the concentration camps. So, the Advice Union enlarged wider and wider, as a cancer tissue. Then, the neighbor countries created the special cooperation, called Northern Union, that stopped the expansion of the Advice Union. Genseks could not get new slaves, so, they consumed population of the Advice Union.
Genseks had a lot of sons, daughters, grandsons, granddaughters and other relatives. There were too many for the Advice Union, and Gensek allowed them to emigrate to other countries. Gensek had collected heavy taxes from the population.
Than income formed the budget. Most of the budget had been sent to the relatives of Gensek, who lived luxury life in other countries. Scamp become bigger and bigger; as a snowball. The ball of snow rolls down the hill covered with a slippery snow.. It becomes bigger and bigger, and then comes to the pavement without snow, and it blows apart; and then the same happens with its parts; they drop to the smallest parts, and so on..

Zina stopped for few seconds and continued:

One of the parts of that "snowball" had been called "Kaia Federation". People in the Kaia federation used to speak Russian. It also had an emperor. Once per few years, he had arranged the special spectacle, performance. They had called that spectacle "Election". People were declared to "elect the president". However, the election committee had been formed by fuhrer from his relatives; so, they altered results, so, the same president won the election again and again. They called him Put-in, as it seemed to be impossible to put him out.
Put sent terrorists to other countries, to kill his critics. And also, to punish kagebists, who did not follow well his orders. Those terrorists had fake documents and were called also "ihtamnets". This is transliteration from Russian; it means, "they are not there". That Put had converted the country to the set of farms, handled by his relatives. They used to kill everyone, who expressed any disagreement with this order. However, even relatives of Put did not want to live in Kaia; they left to other countries, as soon as they collect some tons of American dollars. That was supposed to be sufficient for all their life. Put used to sell oil, gas, wood and water to other country, because his relatives did not want to learn, and they could not handle any industry. The scientists, technologists, artists left from Kaia, and Put lost his power.
His relatives decided, that they do not need him anymore, and he disappeared. Nobody knows, how did it happen, because the Big Eurasian War begun, it is called Bigpuf. Local bandits begun to fight each other; they had very powerful weapon; so, they killed the most of population.
In order to keep their secrets, evidences of their crimes, the bandits used to block distribution of information in Russian; then filled all communication channels with their propaganda. That propaganda was in Russian..
Some educated people could read and listen the news in English; they could understand, that is about to happen, and escaped from cities before the Bigpuf. Or at its beginning. So, some of them survived. They used to populate the abandoned farms; they had created our civilization.
Galia is one of the farms I mentioned. The Russian language had been declared as source of our troubles; so, our fathers had to declare English as official language. So, it is very important to learn English. Even if somebody's parents speak Russian. But this song is in Russian.

- And how about Kristovina? - one small boy asked.

- Kristovina, also English. All the United Farms speak English. Kristovina was a religious center. There are many poops there. Poop is a person, who makes money at religion and use it to organize the terroristic acts. Poops were rich. Then they were killed by rebels; a lot of treasure had been found in the poop's secret places. That money had been used by the rebels to build-up the airport. But they have neither science, not own food. So, they were interested to cooperate with Galia. And some other farms around also joined. The result is our country, Tartaria.

- Zina, you did not say anything about the song! - one girl complained.

- A, sorry, - Zina said. - When the Bigpuf begun, there was shortage of food. The Put's relatives, in order to enforce their power, used to destroy food. Kolbasa, mentioned in the song, is some kind of salami. It was made from those barbarians, who used to destroy the food. Those barbarians were called "gebists". Gebe meant the secret private police of the fuhrer.
Word "rabochi", mentioned in the song, means a worker, say, some farmer, technician, programmer, researcher, operator of some machinery. Anyone, who does not belong to mafia and has to work. Namely they and their children had no food. Salami become symbol of success; wish to get salami become a symbol of their struggle. People, who wanted to get freedom, sang that song and hunted gebists. For our land. In this sense, Tartaria is our land. And, especially, Galia. When all gebists were converted to kolbasa, they could not destroy the food, and it was beginning of prosperity of our country.

- Well, now I understand, - one child told. - Thank you, Zina pro.

Children seemed to be satisfied by the explanation.
Description of the modern history by Zina sounded a little bit strange for Ruvim, but he did not dare to contradict. En fin, his specialty was biology, not history..

Back to the Campus

Going back, Ruvim asked Zina Vertuhaev, where did she know about history of Tartaria and Galia.

- From papa. He got it from grandpa and grandma.

- Who are your grandpa and grandma?

- My grandma was sexworker at the concentration camp, and my grandpa was vertuhai there. They did not live long.. Papa was a small child, when the Bigpuf begun. Granpa was killed at very beginning of the riot.. The Zone left without any supply, and the vertuhais begun to eat zeks. Then the zeks rose and killed all vertuhais..
They would kill grandma too, but they wanted to use her as professional first. Then she escaped, and lived few years more.. Then she was executed by the court for relationship with vertuhai. My papa was supposed to be executed too, as family of vertuhai, but there was amnesty for children.

- I do not catch.. Could you repeat, please?

- My papa become an orphan, he did not know even his family name. He was called Vasia Administrator. The zeks killed my grandpa and burned the home of my grandma. Together with documents, of course.. My grandma escaped, but also did not live long. She was killed for relationship with vertuhai. Grandpa was not so brutal animal, as people told about him. He was tender with Grandma. And he helped her, when she gave light to Papa..

- Do you feel a discrimination because of your ancestors? - Ruvim asked.

- No. It is prohibited by law. However, one may not inherit properties of terrorists. The attempt to inherit may be punished.. My papa suffered a bit; he was even beaten by his schoolmates for this. Their parents were prisoners and then partizans.. They kicked son of vertihai, son of those, who killed their parents. But papa got an automatic gun and shouted his bullies. One of attackers dead.

- Was your papa punished for this?

- No. One of bullies made vidеo of humiliation of Papa.. After to get a bullet into his shoulder, he dropped the camera and the record remained there. The bullies did not expect, that Papa has a gun. That mоvie was a sufficient proof of innocence of papa. The court stopped soon after to see that mоvie. As soon, as plaintiff and father of killed boy accepted fact, that mоvie is original.

- Where did he got the gun?

- Stolen from father of one of his bullies.

- Was not your papa punished for robbery?

- Not at all. Court decided, that gun had been used for self-defense, and gun owner, father of one of bullies, had been qualified as guilty. For poor education of his son. Victim is allowed to use any weapon against the attacker. Especially weapon of guilty. However, gun had been returned to owner.

- What does it mean "any weapon"? And if the victim uses a bomb, to explode the home of the attacker?

- I do not know, how far does right of self-defense go. If some innocent people are killed or injured, this is not good.. for this reason, the A-bomb is not recommended for self-defense. The court should decide. You may ask Pater Brown, he knows a lot of such cases. Some ten years ago, bulling, and the murders and terror as self-defense were popular. Now it is called "transfer of terror to home of terrorist"..

Ruvim wanted to ask more, but the bus stopped at the Campus; he said goodbye to Zina and colleagues and returned his home.


  1. https://partizan74.livejournal.com/58160.html Дихтяренко Николай Николаевич Теперь, кому не надоели партизаны на медведях, может увидеть мой рисунок на обложке книги от "Яузы". Март 1, 2008.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPAe2gAu1pU Если завтра война (1938).Published on Mar 20, 2016 Режиссеры: Лазарь Анци-Половский, Георгий Березко, Ефим Дзиган, Николай Кармазинский Сценаристы: Георгий Березко, Ефим Дзиган, Михаил Светлов Оператор: Евгений Ефимов Композиторы: Даниил Покрасс, Дмитрий Покрасс Художник: Михаил Тиунов Страна: СССР Производство: МОСФИЛЬМ Год: 1938 Премьера: 23 февраля 1938 Жанр: агитфильм Знаменитый агитационно-пропагандистский фильм о готовности СССР к нападению агрессора. Фильм воспевает советскую военную мощь и показывает советскому народу, какой будет война, когда империалисты нападут на СССР - быстрой, победоносной, почти бескровной. В основу фильма положены документальные кадры, снятые во время проведения реальных маневров Красной Армии, и игровые эпизоды с актерами.
https://www.kino-teatr.ru/kino/movie/sov/13784/song/ Если завтра война (1938) / тексты песен


Bigpuf, History, If tomorrow corrupt, Les Miserables, Tartaria,

Если завтра война