Cannibal tale

Cannibal tale (Каннибальная сказка) is the spoiler of Utopia Tartaria.

Cannibal tale is an element of Tartaria’s folklore.

The main protagonist of utopia, Ruvim Pechor sees a performance of this story. Then, he retells it for the correspondent of the Clever Times newspaper.

The tale has many versions; it is typical for any folklore. One of these versions is suggested below.

Fairy tale

In the wilds of South America, for many kiloyears, the Cannibal Tribe lived. Cannibals ate nuts, fruits of wild plants. Also cannibals grew cassava and yams, hunted monkeys, bred pigs and rabbits. So, they had diverse food. Sometimes they fought with neighboring tribes. The dead were eaten.

Once, say, in century 19th, missionaries found this tribe. That year, there was a good harvest of yams, and the pigs multiplied, so, there was no need to eat the missionaries. The missionaries were allowed to live in a hut on the edge of the Cannibal village. The cannibals supplied missionaries with water, food, wood for fire and provided the young girls, who wanted personally compare the tribesmen with the missionaries (who showed the tribe the new position "Missionary"). The presence of the missionaries was peaceful and lasted during centuries; missionaries came and went, replacing each other.

In exchange for such hospitality, missionaries gave cannibals lighters, matches, knives, axes, needles, threads, video cameras, computers.. Also, the missionaries taught the cannibals children to English, arithmetic, physics, and, of course, the Bible stories.

The missions were generously funded by the Catholic, Protestant and Orthodox churches. A lot of new staff appeared in the cannibal tribe: schools, pottery, weaving and sewing industry. The missionaries wanted the cannibals to be dressed - at least in those moments, when the missionaries take pictures, and then movies, that they sent to their sponsors as supplementary of the written reports.

The sponsors were happy to see the movie clips, in which cannibals make and even wear clothes. Also, the sponsors liked the videoproofs, that cannibals practice in the “missionary position”. Cannibals quickly realized, that missionaries do not like scenes of coitus in any other position. So, the cannibals carefully selected the records they gave to missionaries.

In the same way, missionaries were not offered a big pieces of human flesh. The missionaries could not see, even in the movies, the battles with neighboring tribes (which were main source of the human meat). Cannibals did not even know the English words for human flesh. The meat they ate had been cutted to small pieces; so, the missionaries could not guess its origin; it had been denoted with the same term "pork", as meat of pigs, monkeys or rabbits.

The missionaries told the cannibals not only the Bible, but also the main events on the history of European civilization during the last kiloyears, and, especially, of the last centuries.

Cannibals realized the importance of the English language. First - as a way to get gifts from missionaries - knives, lighters, needles, nails, solar panels, smartphones and computers with Internet.

In addition, English happens to to be efficient in commerce. Arithmetics and English were used in notes, important for business handling the foreign currency. Some cannibals also learned several Spanish, Portuguese, French, German, Italian, Chinese and even Russian words, becoming polyglots.

Nuts, cassava, yams and the imitation of historic stone tools, as well as videotapes (in particular, with traditional, rather than missionary postures) were sold, in exchange for goods, tools and technologies.

Pottery and blacksmith craft developed. The day came, when cannibals forged the first domestic iron tip for a dart. Then - the first domestic knife, the first domestic hammer, the first domestic ax and even the first iron wheel for a wheelbarrow. All from domestic ore. The handicrafts were mastered for the mass production, using the import of technologies.

In exchange for the new movies, cannibals had been supplied with many tools. Solar panels, batteries, electric generators, wires, lamps, welding machines, cars (old jeeps), a drilling rig, an oil refinery, turning and milling machines were sold to cannibals. Cannibals have learned to melt plastic and glass trash and make useful items of these.

The missionaries noted some weakening of interest in nails and needles, since all this had already had been manufactuired in local forges.. So, the missionaries focused on theology. The missionaries explained the greatness of God the Father and God the Son, and even God the Spirit.

The cannibals asked whether all Europeans had easy accepted the religion of the missionaries. One of the missionaries talked about the Holy Inquisition. Several rash phrases uttered by the missionaries and provoked an avalanche of questions; in particular, about wars and, especially, about World War I and World War II.

The missionaries were asked about the casualties that Europe suffered in world wars. The missionaries were asked about the concentration camps of the Gulag and Nazi Germany. Cannibals knew arithmetic badly, but enough to understand, that the number of these victims is incredible.

The Top Cannibal cautiously asked, how long time did it take, to eat all the soldieds killed in the World War II; wasn't the meat spoiled?

The missionary told, that the bodies of dead soldiers were not eaten, but buried in the ground.

The Leader of Cannibals (very brave in hunting and in battles with neighboring tribes) was frightened, but translated the words of the missionary into a local dialect. Cannibals did not believe this. Many of them, in poor English, asked again and again. The missionaries confirmed, that in the world wars, the Europeans killed people in quantities far exceeding their meat needs, and that the dead were not eaten, but buried; even without to extract liver, nor separate the meat from bones.

The missionaries' statements caused resentment of cannibals. Killing people in excess of the need in the fresh meat - it had been interpreted as heaviest evil. In addition, cannibals already learned from the Internet about the overseas ritual of mass destruction of food.

The leader called a meeting.. All cannibals, even those who had fair skin (obviously, white missionaries were their biological fathers, grandfathers or great-grandfathers) recognized the dangers of religion carried by the missionaries.

Religion, which allows to kill people in quantities, that exceed the need for meat, as well as to destroy other food, had been recognized as dangerous. It was noted that this religion leads to bombs, that kill not only soldiers, but even children and women (who can and should be used in a much more important and pleasant way). It was repeated, that this religion would allow the intentional destruction of any food.

Especial outrage had been caused by articles about bombs, that emit neutrons, inducing the secondary radioactivity in the human body, that makes the meat unsuitable for consumption.

Cannibals came to the conclusion, that the root of evil, the barbarity of Europeans is in the statuettes of a man nailed to a cross, distributed by the missionaries. With that primary sin, the European barbarians justify mass murdering of people in quantities exceeding the need for meat, and, in general, the destruction of food.

The question was, what to do with the missionaries. The expulsion had been considered. However, there were fears that the missionaries return with the warriors, who, in their traditions, would kill cannibals in quantities, that exceeded their meat needs..

The missionaries were killed. Cannibals did not want to become barbarians, so the meat of the missionaries was eaten. Their bones were carefully boiled, gnawed, burned and used as fertilizer for cassava and yams.

From communication with the missionaries, cannibals learned important lessons. With the help of jeeps and an self-made heavy-duty trolley, cannibals brought two fragments of rock from the mountains, placed them on the main square of the village and knocked 10 commandments into them:

1. Try to live peacefully with your neighbors, even if they differ greatly in skin color, language, or customs. Learn the languages, customs and skills of others, even barbarian tribes.

2. Do not steal someone else's property, do not wring out other people's territories, do not lie. Do not destroy food.

4. Do not kill enemies in quantities that exceed your need for meat.

5. Eat all the dead enemies before to kill new enemies.

6. Do not use a weapon of indiscriminate action, which makes the meat of your enemies inedible.

7. Do not believe those strangers whose judgments are contradictory.

8. Avoid the methods used by strangers before you test them in practice.

9. Find out, how would it be possible to refute the statements by outsiders.

10. Even European barbarians and other savages have some technology. Take the knowledges of people of other nations, but use them carefully.

Since then, cannibals live as a close society. They accept aliens and even adopt modern technologies. But cannibals remember, that strangers are barbarians, savages, prone to mass murders of humans, in amount, that ecceeds their needs in meat. The cannibals kill especially dangerous strangers and eat them, but this is not so popular: cannibals respect the 10 commandments, and never kill people in quantities that exceed their needs in fresh meat..

Keywords

Bible, Corruption, Designate Russia as state sponsor of terrorism, Destruction of food, Gulag, History, Religion, Rosselhoznadzor, Russia, Tartaria, Ten commandments, Utopia, World War II,