Vasili Pupkin

Vasili Pupkin (Василий Пупкин) is Russian folkloric personage, the modern (century 21) realization of "Ivan Full" ("Иванушка-дурачок"). Usually, he is referred as "Vasia Pupkin" (Вася Пупкин), but his relation with Vasili Pupkin causes no doubts.

Vasili Pupkin is personage of utopia Tartaria. Namely this sense of the term is used in TORI. At the beginning of the events described, Pupkin is already 100+ years old. However, he is healthy, strong and in some senses, even smart.

Early life

Vasili Pupkin has low education. In century 20, he works at the car shop, specialising on reparation of bodies of vehicles, smashed in accidents. At the beginning of the Bigpuf, Pupkin becomes head of the terrorist band, who act against kosmonavts, agents of KGB and other offees, declared to be completely corrupted and considered as a kind of absiolute evil.

Since the establishment of the "Russian kingdom", Pupkin and his band are in favor of King of Russia Referendos First. Soon, king Referendos enters in conflict with his neighbor Gerrov, who had established the similar dictatorship at the nearby land. Both Referendos and Gerrov are in conflict with Central Republic, handled by the strong woman Murka. Murka make intrigue to boost the conflict between Referendos and Gerrov; Gerrov defeats and kills Referendos. Murka tried to join lands of Gerrov and Referendos to her feud, but meets strong resistance from side of partizans, handled by Pupkin. Pupkin seized the military cam at Leninogorsk and found there where the strategic weapon and engineers, who can handle it. With this tools, Pupkin destroys several cities around, where, accoording to his indormation, are located the feudals, who send troops to seize his part of Leninogorsk.

Enemies tried to defeat Pupkin, but he used the strategic weapon for his self-defence. Pupkin pays well to spies, who bring him information about location of residence of his enemy, and destroys the enemies, using the nuclear weapon he seized. Then, enemies of Pupkin tried to hide themselves in cities, using the citizen as hostages. This did not stop Pupkin: before to destroy the city, Pupkin dropped the volatiles with short (and not so grammatically-correct) message:

Ваш диктатор атаковал нашу республку. Он прячется в вашем городе. У вас есть 24 часа, чтобы покинуть город или уговорить вашего диктатора убрать нафиг своих космонавтов с нашей территории. В случае неудачи, его рисиденция будет уничтожена. При этом могут пострадать гражданские объекты. Для Вашей бесопасности, пожалуйста, покинте город. Прошу извинить за причиняемые неудобства. Василий Пупкин.

Usually, after such a menace, the enemy dictator tries to escape from the city. Pupkin's drones identify his or her helicopter or cortage and attack it. With such a "self-defense", many innocent citizens are killed, because Pupkin does not have any selective weapons with precise guidance. (His commandos use the strategic weapon stored since century 20).

Pupkin tried to extends his power to the suburbian of Leinogorsk, but fails in fight against both, corruption in his administration and non-organized crime.

Then, till the end of Bigpuf, Pupkin collaborates with General Mark Arturov, commander of the International Armed Forces sent to stop the bigpuf. Arturov considers Pupkin as less brutal and less barbaric among other Russian terrorists. Pupkin is first to accept suggestion by Arturov not to use the nuclear weapon in the internas quarels between Russian feudals. Also, Pupkin is first to install the network of stationary monitoring cameras at the territory controlled by him.

After establishment of Tartaria, Pupkin works at the Ministry of Nature of Galia. He tries to cope with the contamination, produced during the bigpuf by his gang and other similar gangs.

Musical talent, Jeep with missiles and terrorists

Vasili Pupkin has the old military jeep, equipped with missiles. With this jeep, Pupkin comes to the festival.

Pupkin is good singing the "chastushki" (частушки), short couplets in Russian slang. With these chastushki, he is invited to the Musical Festival of Students.

Pupkin drinks some taburetovka, and sings his Chastushki from the scene:

I am poor among poets,
But I like to sing couplets,
Please, excuse my dirty slang,
I hope you will undersand.

Opa, opa, America, Europa,
If cock enters deep in cunt,
You still should be tolerant!

Mama saw my father cock,
It was his 1st April joke;
It was strongest joking gear:
I was the gift for her new year.

Opa, opa, America, Europa,
If I haven't so much luck
I still leave behind me track.

Girl and dog were very nice,
They were doing exercises;
Neighbors came to say them "Hi!",
And had learned the "doggy style".

Opa, opa, America, Europa,
Here, sure, is not France
But say "Viva tolerance!"

I have very poor genome,
Hole in roof at my home,
Driving drunk, I crashed: WHAK!.. -
But I still would like to fuck!

Opa, opa, America, Europa,
If you have a big long dick,
You may use it as a stick.

Every day, Angela Davis
Does deepthroar to big pennis;
If you don't want come to death,
Learn to hold long time your breath.

Opa, opa, America, Europa,
Don't afraid a cataclysm:
We survived communism!

I had been alone and sick,
so, I crashed a wall with dick;
That is not a big sensation:
Very strong is our Nation!

Opa, opa, America, Europa,
If disaster, still try lough:
We survived in Bigpuf!

The young people clapped and cried "bravo!", "Давай ещё!" и "Ещё давай!" .. Then Puplin sang in Russian:

На мосту стоял прохожий
На ебёну мать похожий;
Вдруг, откуда ни возьмись,
Появился заебись!

Opa, opa, America, Europa,
Мы умеем слать всех нах
На различных языках!

Then, Pupkin drinks again and returns to his jeep. He does not like the modern music and does not want to listen the continuation.

The religious fanatics also dislike the performance, but their dislike is stronger, than that of Pupkin. And much more brutal. The fanatics consider the festival as "Shaitan's disorder". The fanatics occupy the balcony of a hotel near the festival, and shot into the participants with machine guns.

Pupkin does not realize, what is happening. He thinks, that the military drone lost the control and shots into the crowd. Pupkin takes the missile "ground-air", and tries to identify the strange object through the infrared detector. Pupkin cannot identify the object, but at the screen, the frame appears around it, indicating, that the target is "guided" and then, that it is "reachable". The many-year reflex works as a machine; Pupkin presses the trigger, and the missile goes. Soon, Pupkin realizes, that he shot the missile into balcony of the building. Pupkin thinks, that his live is over. He finishes the bottle of taburetovka and falls asleep near his jeep. There, the police find him and bring him to the hospital with heavy alcoholic intoxication. He gets no treatment, as all the doctors are occupied with injured students; Pupkin recovers by himself.

The missile, sent by Pupkin, has primitive mechanism of guiding. It directs the missile a little bit below the infrared source, in order to strike an enemy aircraft into its belly. The missile hits the fence of the balcony in few centimeters below the machine gun, causing detonation of the ammunition box. There, the security found the completely destroyed balcony and pieces of terrorists, who had attacked the festival.

Since that, Pupkin is considered as a national hero of Galia.

Accident with Ruvim Pechor

Pupkin handles wide area, inspecting it for concentration of unstable isotopes and other contaminants, that sometimes leak from hidden storage, not yet revealed since the Bigpuf. Also, Pupkin helps to Barbara Smit to install the stationary cameras of monitoring and to choose traces for the fiber cables,

Most of territory of Tartaria is contaminated with isotopes of cesium, strontium, uranium, plutonium and americium; Galia is not exception. Especially grave are swamps, as the isotopes are not washed out from there.

Highly contaminated is swamp "Cranbery field" (Большое клюквенное болото). Pupkin collects cranberry from this swamp, and uses it to make samogon (kind of moonshine) of excellent quality, "Crambery taburetovka". The byproduct, so-called "duzma", is highly radioactive, and Pupkin collects it at the special storage. In order to reduce the volume of the waste, Puplin dries it and then burns in the special stove, that is supposed to catch all the fog (although this procedure reduces the efficiency of heating). The primary idea was, to extract all the cesium from the swamp with cranberry, but such a cleaning happens to be very slow.

Once, Pupkin detected the Ruvim Pechor, moving thorough the swamp. Ruvim wears the biper (misspelled word "beeper"; it is kind of scarf equipped with webcamera, global positioning, telephone and dosimeter; Tartarians and visitors wear such bipers all the time), so, Pupkin sees the movements of Ruvim. While Ruvim does not yet violate any rules, Pupkin has no reason to communicate Ruvim, but the Ruvim's behaviour looks suspious. Pipkin does not like visitors there. So, Pupkin goes to the place in order to see, what is happening, with his own eyes, not through the monitor.

Soon, Ruvim occasionally hangs his biper at the bush near the trail. Since that, Pupkin already cannot communicate him. Ruvim reaches the place, where one can only swim, not to walk, and gets trapped, as he does not know, how to move at such a swamp. That swamp is easy to cross without clothes, as the human body is slippery, but not with the clothes. Pupkin informs the minister of police (Agent Smih) about the intruder and runs to the place.

Pupkin extracts Ruvim from the swamp and transfer him into hands of Barbara Smit. She and brings him to her home and wash him and his clothes. Then, she and her roommate Agent Smit treat Ruvim well.

Pupkin considers himself as a "strong man", who can carry about himself. Before to return home, Pupkin washes himself under the primitive shower.

Po Lin

Po Lin

Vasili Pupkin falls in love with Po Lin, owner of the big universal shop (Po Lin Shop). Being asked, how close are his relations with Po Lin, Pupkin usually answers: "Roughly, minus 15 cm. If you need more precisely, welcome to our bed with a tape-meter."

Then, Gella Ivanov comes to Vasili Pupkin, and ask Po Lin to bring a tape-meter. With the measurement, Gella revealed, that the minimal distance is -14 cm (see Gella at Pupkin).

Po Lin uses Pupkin for promotion of some medicine at her shop. In particular, she suggests the following recipe: "Take your old husband, anoint him with this oil, and during many years, he will be like a new one."
On the next shelf, about cars, there is a similar ad for the engine oil and the anti-corrosion paint.

Keywords

Bigpuf, Galia, Gella Ivanov, Li Sitsin, Murka, Po Lin, Ruvim Pechor, Tartaria, Terror